Mauritius Hash Trash 311
07-05-2000 Candos Alan 311
HASH TRASH Vol 11, #311, 07 May 2000
The HArSH Critique by Barclay ‘Fish’ Miller
I knew it was going to be a problem as soon as I heard that Alan had set the Hash, and said so in a loud voice.
“It’s going to be a problem.” I said. In a loud voice.
Inquisitive faces turned towards me. “Problem? What kind of problem?”
“You’ll see.” I replied, smugly confident in my prediction.
I was proved right sooner than I expected. And don’t tell me that Supremous Blobus didn’t suspect something too. It’s the Scot in him.
Off we dashed towards the hill. No trail. Back we dashed towards the cane field. No trail. A quick mill around in the cane field, and back we dashed towards the hill again. Still no trail.
Meanwhile Supremous Blobus stood still at the half way mark, watching the chaos with what I am sure he hoped would be interpreted as bewildered detachment. Pointing at his left calf, he was shouting pathetically, “It’s me leg, I can’t run.” to anyone who passed (and indeed, re-passed) close enough to hear, and who could be bothered to listen. Desperate to be believed, he didn’t fool me. For he knew, that Supremous Blobus. He knew.
What Supremous Blobus knew, you see, and what I suspected, but what you lot were blithely unaware of, was that on that day, two seemingly unimportant facts had combined – like two chemicals which alone are harmless, but once mixed together become volatile and dangerous – to wreak havoc with our Hash.
1) Alan is Scottish. 2) Flour costs money. So there wasn’t a lot of it about. (Flour, that is.)
After all, why waste good flour by scattering it around the Mauritian countryside, when you can mix it with a bit of water, dip a fish in it, and have a damned fine supper!
So the next hour was punctuated by distant cries of “Where’s the trail?”, “Nothing here!”, “Not this way!” and – because the truth was by then beginning to dawn – “We should have finished the bastards off at Culloden!”
However, it doesn’t take Albert Einstein to figure out that if there’s a Hash and a hill within 20 kilometres of each other, then the two will inevitably come together. So up the hill it was then.
Not, of course, that he didn’t lay any trail at all. Oh my goodness no! Alan is nothing, if not a responsible Hasher. (To vote “Responsible Hasher” press #, to vote “Nothing” press *.)
There was in fact a fairly reliable report that a small pile of flour was spotted about half way up the hill. Rumours of a second pile of flour near the top of the hill cannot be confirmed, as it was swooped upon and carried off by two small ants -grumbling loudly that Hashes Ain’t What They Used To Be- before the electron microscope could be used to confirm that it was in fact Alan’s flour mark.
But somehow, despite the lack of markings, everybody (well, almost everybody, but I won’t tell anyone if you don’t Gita), made it to the top of the hill and back down again.
To be welcomed by a smiling and already merry Blobus Maximus. Miraculously cured! Not a limp in sight! He knew, that Bloody Blobus. Oh yes, he knew. And I can now reveal to you why Alan disappeared for a short time just before assuming his duties as Gamesmaster.
He was running quietly back round the course, carefully scooping his little piles of flour back into the bag, and muttering “Waste not, want not, waste not, want notŠŠŠŠŠ.”.
Fish and Chips for dinner, Alan?
On. On. ‘Fish’
Welcome to all the First Timers – Sharon who is doing an environment project with Afzal and a Kenya Hasher; translated from the German by Supremous Blobus, Gabriele & Ernst on holidays; Rotary Scholar, Lynne from the USA; Gary Botha; Roselyne from the MCB and lastly, Stephanie. Hope to see you all at the next one.
Great to see so many came back – managing their Downs Downs with some style were Marilyn (Stripey), Kate (POW), Nadine (Broken Ankle), Josette (Froggy) and Leslie (Bollocks).
To Roberto for being such a great little whistle blower.
Bunnie with a bolt up its bum
Supremous Blobus tried to give Bunnie for good to Vincent but it came back. Now given to Claude ….. please keep it with our blessing.
Smelly Blue T Shirt
The much coveted Smelly Blue went from Supremous Blobus to fellow ankle twister, Stephanie who forgot her Hash name (shame on you) and is now known as ‘Ankle’ .
Religious Advisor/Sex Councillor
In the national Scottish costume of red hair and tartan, our R.A. had yet another Jimmy story. If any Hasher ever makes use of the Sex Councillor side of our R.A., would you please send the outcome of such counseling to Edit Hare.
Thanks must go to Alan Renton for that great game – the dizziness was gone by the next day! I was very disappointed with my original team mates who bailed out when the rules of the game became known. I know who you are so be aware!
Thank you to John and Alan (or should that be Julie and Anne) for all that great food.
#312, 21 May – 1000 hrs
For talking in the circle, Curly Top gets to set the next Hash. We need volunteers to set further Hashes and remember we have experienced Hares to help you so get your name down now. In the absence of volunteers, we will revert to the alphabet list of Hashers and nominate someone from that.
Directions: Drive through Flic en Flac to Wolmar. Continue past La Pirogue Hotel and Sugar Beach Hotel and look for Hash signs. If you reach the Imperial Hotel you have gone too far, go back. See you all there.
#313, 04 June – Volunteers needed
#314, 18 June – Volunteers needed
#312, 21 May – Linda & Marilyn
#313, 04 June – Peter & Nam Sook
Personality Profile – Stephanie Raymond
Hello there ,
Surname : RAYMOND
Name : STEPHANIE until the 7th of May 2000 , when I was baptised ” Ankle “
by the Hashers .
Date of birth : Oh oh , no way , I will not tell you my age !
Occupation : Responsible for Harris Wilson ‘s wovens collections .
Status : Single /nearly married !
Hobby : Twisting my ankle at the Hash every second Sunday
Personality : Very romantic and very loyal to the man of my life .
Very fussy about keeping things clean , wearing clean clothes ( the dirty, smelly T-shirt was the best gift for me . By the way it went for a long swim over my roof , in a plastic bag with some dead tunas until Sunday the 14th ) .
I am also a very shy and reserved person , that’s the reason why my personality profile will be very short ; I hate talking about myself .
See you ,
*STEPH* P.S : My left ankle is doing very well , I can work on a new twist on our next meeting ; I’ll try the right foot this time .
Please remember to give your pie orders to Brigitte so they can be delivered to you at the next Hash. Email is best so send your orders to – email@example.com do it now so you don’t forget!
Those ramblers who meet on alternate Hash Sundays, please meet at Nicoliere Reservoir, 1000 Sunday, 14 May (assuming you receive your Trash in time …… ). This is an easy walk for all you geriatrics.
Good home needed for a very cute tortoiseshell kitten, every home needs one – please phone The Fersons on 6863730 or email firstname.lastname@example.org.
A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river.
He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the Preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk
and says, “Mister, Are you ready to find Jesus?”
The drunk looks back and says, “Yess, Preacher..I sure am.”
The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. “Have you found Jesus?” the preacher
“Nooo, I didn’t!” said the drunk.
The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, “Now, brother, have you found
“Noooo, I did not Reverend.”
The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a
harsh tone, “My God, man, have you found Jesus yet?”
The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher… “Are you sure this is where he fell in?”
Blob Latimer (6963815) & Kevin Murray (7210576)
Trailmaster: Lord Russell
Cellarmaster: John & Julie
Hash Horn: Tony ‘Barnacle Bill’ Ward
Religious Adv/Sex Councilor: Leslie Nimmo
Barbecue Bearer: Dave ‘Shorty’ Colbert
Ice Master: Peter Atick
Ha$h Ca$h: Dave ‘Shorty’ Colbert
Drinks for Wimps ‘n Kids: John & Julie
Games Master: Alan ‘Knit’ Renton
Web Meister: Alan Oliphant
Edit Hare: Wendy Austin (6257399) email@example.com