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Mauritius Hash Trash 666

16-02-2014 ValentinaDay Run – Blue Bay public beach Hot Pants BYO #666

VENUE: Blue Bay

HARES: Rey ‘Hot pants’

A Linear Affair

Driven by shame, motivated by humiliation and spurred on by ridicule your brindjal-munching, soya-chewing, house trained (well at least partially) and markedly disingenuous SubScribe has finally found the time to wax the lyrical narrative on the cursed 666 Hash.

Although the elfin miscreant appealed to the circle (at Hash 667) with a frankly gossamer thin reason (the pressure of being a captain of industry, a mover and a shaker with deals to be finalized & projects to be managed etcetc) for failing to deliver the Hash news before the print runs deadline date, he did not escape the deserved punishment from the GM, who visibly refused to be charmed by such an implausible alibi.

The SubScribe was perhaps fortunate to have escaped a double dose of down downs for believing that the travails of idle fools took precedence over the travesties of the Hash. If he were court martialed the SubScribe would surely have been given a lifelong ban from attending the Hash, much like an Olympian would be stripped of their medal for illegal use of performance enhancing candy bars.

It didn’t help matters when our resident veterinary surgeon/sturgeon & current bearer of the Scribular poisoned pen, Isis Joseph, verbally executed/emasculated the withering SubScribe for this heretic act of dishonor with vengeful eyes that looked like she was primed to remove his fingernails with a pair of wire cutters.

Hoping that the depleting brain cells (plural, surely not) allow safe passage of memory recall, the trailblaggard was the mighty leonine figure of Rey Joseph who orchestrated a unique Hash by introducing separate starting points for runners and walkers, made more surreal by the fact the semi-somnolent ensemble had to take the 10.20 special public snailbus out of Blue Bay to get to their respective starting blocks.

What the locals though of an invasion of overdressed bloated humanized sperm whales adorned in Valentines insignia is anyone’s guess but it cannot be overlooked that it could be one of these stories that they tell their children/grandchildren.

The trail was slightly deceptive in parts, in particular a wild goose chase at the beginning when the FRB’s were guided to a point where they were stranded and where there was no other choice but to retrace their steps to the start….but, in the main, it presented an ever interesting challenge to uncover the blobs of flour without being completely stranded in No Man’s Land. Keen vision and second guessing were the order of the day.

Both trails met back at the On-On in Blue Bay and Rey was suitable rewarded for his imagination as the circle applauded his efforts.

The Virgo Intacta came in the shape of the following roll call of debutantes –

  • John & Jackie Nixon – who discovered the Hash from a web search, while the former looked decidedly like a drummer in a legacy 70’s heavy metal band (particularly with his tangle of corkscrew locks)
  • Vulnia (or something like that) – from Norway & probably a bi-athlete in her bygone days
  • Jennifer – from Reading and a cousin of Nadine
  • Jacques and Martine – from Brittany

The GM was spared his forfeit as a tall, nameless and menacing couple confessed to being second timers.

The normally conjoined Siamese Religious/Sexual advisors were unhooked at the hip this week as Kees took to the front and centre as a mere bi-ped and looking as unsteady as newly born lamb.

The Bangelstien award was given to Alain who claimed his innocence for being the last to pay, clearly not being a 21st Century man to be able to take responsibility for his own action/inaction.

The Last Chance Saloon for Sinners was opened for the customary slew of Down Downs which went to –

  • Jacqueline Leeds – for grabbing beer (or so it seems to say in the quasi-unintelligible scrawled text that formed the SubScribe’s notes)
  • Alan – for baptizing the recipient of the cowbell at the previous Hash; he was powerless to leap to his own defence as there was incriminating photographic evidence presented before the circle.
  • John & Jackie – randomly chosen by the RA for breaking a check circle in the wrong direction although he did conduct intense (& vain) investigation to identify the real culprits (obviously he needs to brush up his informant bribery skills).
  • Alyson – who seems to always set her herself up as a sitting duck for a down down. Her crime this week was that she arrived at the On-On just as the bus left Blue Bay.
  • Jackie bravely tried to sequester the RA to join in on the Down Down but was left with foam on her face when she was co-erced by the Chosen One to do the honours instead (which she accepted with relish).
  • In the midst of this cyclonic chaos, Alyson launched into a wayward mesmeric diatribe that went nowhere in a vain attempt to explain her tardiness – but all she was able to do was to send everyone into a soporific slumber (she must have been a great bedtime story teller in her motherhood days).

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