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Mauritius Hash Trash 406

25-01-2004 Trianon Racing Club Gilbert & Pascale Lepoigneur #406

“The Hash where Eric showed us his helmet”

Trianon Racing Club

Gilbert Lepoigneur.

First Timers
Sarah Young. Sarah’s shorts were too long. When asked if she would return she replied politely, “If you’ll have me.” For some reason she reminded me of Martini.
Gaetan Serret. Gaetan was charm personified. He said very nice things about us and deserves to have something nice said about him. Oh well, never mind, life is tough sometimes. Still, his wife’s lovely.

Second Timers
Fanny Adams, back again this week. Leslie helped with her down-down.

Sofia, Jaya, Varun, Anna, Riner, Jaya, Gita, and Tom: always a pleasure to see lambs return to the flock (alter?).

On on:

This was Gilbert’s first time as a hare. He was, as it were, a hare virgin. Well this is the tale of how Gilbert lost his cherry…in style.

First of all when we arrived Gilbert was out on the trail still laying it after 2½ hours. Impressive! Pascale stayed behind relaying messages from Gilbert that we could start as he had finished the start and was starting the finish and would be finished well before we had finished the start, or was that started the finish, or was it stinished the fa…no, that definitely can’t be right. Who cares? On On. We were soon on the trail, pounding through some good scrub and nearly getting lost a couple of times.
We knew we were in for a good ’un when we reached the stream and found Gilbert on the other side looking pleased with himself. The water was knee high for a tall bloke and much more exciting for the shorter women. No sooner were we all soaked through than half the hash was standing around at the next box, mooching about and looking guiltier than Monica Lewinsky smoking a cigar. They were hiding a back-check! Back on track the trail divided between walkers, who strolled leisurely back, and runners, who took a long detour out into the dry, hot cane fields.. There were now 3 FRB’s with others pushing them hard from behind. Towards the end there was one last cruel hill. The Hustler was true to his name – he came first having sneakily saved a bit of stamina for that last extra spurt.
We all agreed it was a top hash at an excellent venue. Well done Gilbert – you may take pride in the fact that you single-handedly brought pleasure to over 40 people simultaneously.

The further adventures of “Jimmy”
In episode one last time Jimmy got hit by a bus caused by lack of alcohol (makes no sense to me either) and this week Captain Fabulous, el presidenté, told us about the Vicar and Jimmy’s nuts which had had all the chocolate licked off them. I don’t think that’s one they teach them at theological college.

Welcome back to our RA, Patrice. He singled out:
Claude for being caught having too much speed…in his car…while driving.
Sandip for spending too much time near a computer and so obviously being a nerd.

Camping 12 March 2004
Blob told us again about this camp he’s organising on 12 March 2004, National Day, at La Cambuse, and asked me to put something in the write-up thus demonstrating that he never bothers to read the hash-trash in which I gave this event a plug last time. Right. Blob, you look like a bulldog licking bleach off nettles and smell worse than its bottom after a pedigree chum vindaloo washed down with 9 pints of strong beer. That’ll learn him.

Children’s Award:
Strong On grovelled for having tossed the dodo at the last hash. (Probably what killed it). This time he presented it to little Leslie-Anne who, with a perception far beyond her years, had asked him on his return from the hash “Are you a runner?”

The Vikings are coming…
A brief mention out of deference to my home country. It seems that the Scandinavians, and particularly the Danes, are able to export to Britain a commodity which the British purportedly lack. If you ask me, this is just something disseminated by the Danes because they have too much free time on their hands. I said so at the time, although not in those words.

Smelly Blue:
We were presented by our new Grandmaster with a new smelly blue. The old one will be taken to Nobby the butcher to be vacuum-packed for posterity. I kid you not. We might even enter it for next year’s Turner Prize.
The new Smelly Blue is a confusing garment. First, to the utter and complete bewilderment of all those present, it is blue. Second, it has the words “Smelly Blue” printed on it, as though we might find it difficult to identify a vile-smelling, dung-encrusted, sweat-soaked, litter-covered ragged T-shirt which even the flies try and avoid. Last, it is, or I should say, was – not smelly. Cue victim – Varun – and beer-bath.

Next Hash 8 Feb 2004
Midlands Dam: Hare- Rey Joseph: Food Sybil

And finally…Eric’s helmet.

It was big, hard, yellow and a marvel of modern engineering. Eric “Hot Dog” Maard had been given the task of producing for the hash a time and labour saving drinking device. The result of Eric’s endeavours would have made Isembard Kingdom Brunel retire to some private area for 10 minutes or so.

To construct the Maard Marvel you will need.
Hat, hard, 1 off
Bottles, plastic, 2 off,
Tubes, plastic, 2 off,
Velcro strapping, lengths of, 2 off
“Party hat” (ahem), 1 off, (more if you think you might get lucky).
Beers, for the drinking of, no you can’t have mine, naff off

Directions for use:

Stage 1
Attach bottle “A” to Hard-hat with 1 length of strapping.
Insert one end of Tube “A” into bottle “A” and secure in place. Leave other end free.

Stage 2
As every chap knows there comes a point in the beer drinking process when input must be counterbalanced by output. And this is where the Maard genius shone through.

Attach bottle “B” to your upper thigh with the other length of strapping.
Connect one end of Tube “B” to bottle “B”.
Ask a responsible person to snip off the end of (ahem) “party hat”. Obviously, as a hasher you are not a responsible person and not to be trusted around any sharp objects.
Secure other end of tube “B” to “party hat”, preferably unused, and secure “party hat” to the old chap. It’s not essential for someone to lend you a hand with this part of the process, but why waste a good opportunity?

Stage 3.
1. Ensure bottle B is properly fastened and connected.
2. Fill bottle A with beer.
3. Place Hard-hat on head.
4. Insert free end of tube A into your drinking orifice.
5. Drink beer.
6. When bottle A is empty repeat steps 2-5 inclusive.
7. Continue process happy in the knowledge that bottle B, while still partially empty ensures hours of carefree drinking.

Voila: you are now able to drink your beer at all times safely, in comfort, and without ever having to lose your place on the hash. Now we just need to patent it.

On on

Interhash 2005

The eagle-eyed amongst you may have noticed a link to concerning the 2005 Interhash. Only trouble is that all the relevant information on the site is – and I quote – “not ready yet.” Now that’s proper Hash Mish-Management!

Alan’s Receding Hareline:
DateRun No.Hares   –   Area
25th January406Gilbert & Pascale – Trianon
8th February407Rey – Midlands Dam
22nd February408Etienne, Mireille, Gilbert F.
7th March409Alan & Sarah

1. Would hashers please note that there is a deposit (money) on glass bottles (beer, softies)! Please do not throw them away, leave them on the beach or with the rubbish (or even take them home).
2. Walks take place on most Sundays when there is no Hash. See the “Friendly walks” page for details.

Supreme Being:Leslie Nimmo
Hare Line + Trailmasters:Alan “Strong on” Grihault
Cellarmaster:Andy “The Hustler” Belfitt
Hash Horn:Robert “Blob” Latimer
Religious Adv/Sex Councillor:Patrice Curé
Barbecue Bearer:Dave “Shorty” Colbert
Ice Maiden:Rey Joseph
Ha$h Ca$h:Claudia Carey
Drinks for Wimps ‘n Kids:Jean Ramiah
Hash Market:Juliette “Snow White” & David “Shorty” Colbert
Edit Hare:Tom “Decoy” Williams
Always willing deputy Edit Hare:Sarah “Coffee Mate” Grihault
Webmaster:Bob Russell( )

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