Mauritius Hash Trash 348
21-10-2001 Albion Charlie & Charlotte #348
Run at Albion (aka The Anthrax Hash). Hares Charlie & Charlotte
Present were 49 Hashers, Harriettes and ankle biters. Distance 3.2 Kms Run departing from Avenue Astrolabe, Albion – site of a pongy stream – (or was this just the delicate aroma of many hash trainers ?) In any case, a large tanker truck was seen filling up with this ‘water’).
When laying the trail the hares were waylaid by the local police and asked to explain why they were throwing white powder around the countryside – a brave move of course in the present political climate but there are no wimps on the hash. Once it was established that the hares were not yet using anthrax to lay trails, the two were released for bad behaviour and will live to hash another day. Full marks for two courageous hashers !
‘Barnacle Bill’ attempted to get the assembled hashers to warm up their vocal chords with a little choir practice but was met by the customary hash lack of respect.
Geeta (Hash Cash) was ordered to run with a birthday balloon attached to her derriere (very fetching) and then the hare explained the hash markings which were being used (including new chalk direction arrows in use following police advice mentioned above!). Once the hashers confessed themselves to be thoroughly confused by the differences between local markings and those used by Vikings and others, the pack set off on what proved to be a very hot trail through the undergrowth (although any distance from the pongy stream was a relief). The stream crossing point was expressly marked “DO NOT WASH CARS HERE” which was, of course, exactly what some car owners (not Hashers) were doing.
Some confusion was experienced in mid-hash due to FRB’s (Front Running Bastards) declining to call “On on” and the strolling ladies not feeling overly inclined to check when required. This caused a degree of accidental ‘long cutting’ by those who thought they were on trail and the strolling ladies were amazed to find themselves unexpectedly FRB’s for a while (they quickly recovered however). High points were awarded for the scenic part of the trail along the beach and past some impressive beach front villas. The RA was unfortunately unable to organise any topless sunbathers on the beach this time but better luck next time.
Negative points were awarded for the litter and pollution which seemed to be on every piece of non residential land. Don’t they have Poubelle men in Albion? With a little delay it was decided that all hashers had eventually returned to the fold and, despite the confusion over some of the trail, the two hares were treated leniently due to their traumatic run in with the long arm of the law.
Many thanks to ‘Long Zip’ and Namsuk for delicious noodles and to young Danish Pastry (Selina) for chocolate cake for Geeta “Tinkerbel” on her birthday.
First Timers (aka Hash ‘Virgins’):
Down downs were awarded by Blob, the GM (outgoing) to the following newcomers:-
Selina ‘Baby Maard’ (daughter of Hotdog and Danish Pastry – commisserations were expressed for her being daughter of new RA)
Des Colbert (father of ‘Shorty’ Colbert) – admiring comments due to expertise and aplomb when drinking down down – has he been trained by Shorty ? Des wisely withheld his phone number (must have hashed before ? )
Cathryn and Anne – both invited to hash by Kevin Quick and both were apparently brave enough to return one day. E-mail address supplied
Pierrot Philio – much expertise shown for newcomer to down downs
Maureen Philio (wife of Pierrot) – gave her phone number as ‘999’ – (could be useful for a naming ceremony)
Andrew and Pierrot jnr Philio – enthusiastic new hashers (children of above)
Chris Brown – invited by Lord and Lady Russel (escaping to UK shortly but game enough to buy the covetted Dodo Hash T-shirt)
‘Strong-on’ – simply because he declared himself desperate for a beer – anything to oblige. The poor bloke was only standing on the periphery of the sacred Hash Circle!!
Our tame Mauritian policeman who denies all knowledge of police bust mentioned above ! (NB. A possible hash name of ‘Dodocop’ has been suggested for future consideration) Well done for being keen enough to return after near drowning on first hash (a very wet Grand Bassin)
Changing of the Guard:
The new RA on behalf of the entire hash then expressed many heartfelt thanks to the GM (‘Blob’ Latimer) and JM (Kevin ‘Cupid’ Murray) for all the hard work they had done for the hash in the past and announced that they were handing over the position of GM to Tony ‘Barnacle Bill’ Ward for the foreseeable future. The pack echoed these sentiments by applause and a standing ovation. Their appreciation was amply demonstrated later in the traditional manner. (NB. Blob and Cupid had put in a great deal of time and effort in keeping the MH3 going and it would be appreciated if more hashers were prepared to step forward and volunteer their help/time in future)
RA ‘Hotdog’ then demonstrated his ruthlessness by immediately ordering the outgoing GM on to the block of ice. Blob has since commented that it is a poor tactical ploy to slide backwards off the ice block. This merely results in one’s tackle being frozen instead of one’s bum.
RA’s down downs:
Before the official handover ceremony the RA awarded down downs to the two hares (hashers gave the run the official ‘thumbs up’). The two baby hares were allowed water down downs in an effort not to corrupt minors. Charlie drank a second down down for littering on the hash (his bag of anthrax had been spotted discarded on the trail).
Jackie was given a down, down for obstructing RA’s passage while back-checking.
Gilbert drank for biking on the trail (and for lying to Mismanagement by attempting to claim a flat tyre)
There was a distinct espionage/infiltration theme to the next three sinners:-
‘Strong-on’ drank a second time for confessing to flat feet which of course logically means that he must have been a policeman in his murky past.
Our tame policeman drank just for being a policeman which of course proved he was spying on MH3 on behalf of the island’s finest.
His sonWesley carried a toy gun on the hash and so endangered the pack by risking arrest and on the spot fines.
Did they think they would get away with it with out ever alert RA and new GM?
Geeta ‘Tinkerbel’ drank for daring to have her birthday on a hash day.
By this time Blob had been abused by Barnacle Bill who tipped ice water over him (at least it wasn’t beer) and was rightly ordered to replace Blob on the ice (Barnacle demonstrated what a hotbot he was by disintegrating the block of ice immediately, could it have been the previous night’s chilli con carne?).
With tears in his eyes (of relief??) Blob reverently handed over the coveted Viking horned helmet to Barnacle. Blob then touchingly received the Hash Horn from Barnacle whose lips had gradually hardened over the past weeks to the point where he could have played Last Post whilst fully submerged in the near-by river.
Once he and ‘Barnacle Bill’ had officially given each other the horn (so to speak) they and ‘Cupid’ were awarded down downs from the lovely pisspots (two urine sample jars and the ceremonial two handed MH3 quaich) by the new RA.
The greedy trio were then forced to drink again for ‘Take 2’ for Lord Russell’s hashflash.
‘Hotdog’ then invited the pack to participate in the “christening ceremony”, most of which appeared to be Sprite or something that rhymes with Sprite. Even a hash ankle-biter escaped his parents to join in enthusiastically (although it has to be said that some hashers were seen to be sobbing quietly when they noted the amount of beer being spilt and not drunk)
RA’s shoes award:
The RA awarded his gorgeous coloured rubber shoes (apparently the latest fashion in Denmark) to be worn on the next hash by the “man with no name” who foolishly admitted to actually washing his hash trainers each week and that they were actually squash shoes.
Smelly toilet seat award (always an honour):
‘Shorty’Colbert awarded this to ‘Hotdog’ for a second time after noticing that he had omitted to write his name on the Hash Shit after wearing it (as is the custom). This was then rectified in Permocolour but RA will have to delegate its carriage on the next run.
Inaugural Speech by new GM (start of Reign of Terror):
With absolutely no disrespect to Blobous Supremous Maximus, the new broom ‘Barnacle Bill’ announced that –
- Rule number one, there are no rules on the Hash
- From now on any newcomers to the hash would be known as hash ‘Virgins’ the definition of which will be learnt by all.
- Punishments would be meted out if hashers failed to call ‘On on’ in future when they spotted the trail (of anthrax, flour or chalk depending on circumstances)
- No pointing would be allowed on the hash.
- A new assistant ‘Trailmaster’ has now been appointed, Charlie, who would liaise with Clarence and ‘Strong-on’ by finding potential sites and nominating ‘volunteers’ to set hashes in future.
- As is customary on other hashes, the Hash Hymn will henceforth be sung at the end of the hash circle (this was then demonstrated beautifully by the Mismanagement Committee). NB. Please find the words of the hymn at the end of this Hash Trash.
At this point the new reign of terror was illustrated when Barnacle made an example of Australian Kevin for being spotted front running and attempting to quietly and silently indicate the correct trail without calling ‘On On’ and also for pointing on the hash. Such flagrant disregard for Hash etiquette has rarely been seen. The pack practised calling ON ON in unison and Kevin demonstrated the decant method of taking a double down down.
- Cultural Hash Evening – There will be a hash evening at 7pm on Friday, 26 October when videos will be shown of previous hash events such as the Interhash meetings abroad (some cheeky bits so adults only please and don’t complain if you are offended, it is raunchy!) Professor Robert Latimer will give the opening lecture. All hashers welcome – bring your own food for the barbecue. There will be a cash bar. Venue : the MUG (Mauritius Underwater Group) clubhouse in Phoenix (almost opposite Continent supermarket – look for large metal cannon in front of a blue and white wooden building). Park on grass verge.
- Camping Hash weekend – Saturday 17 and Sunday 18 November A Hash Camping Weekend has been proposed. Venue : Coconut Island, near Le Morne. Boats have been organised. If you wish to participate in this please inform Blob Latimer or any other Mismanagement member as soon as possible (on next Hash at latest). You will need a simple tent to go with the simple people at a simple Hash.
Run 349, 4th November: Will be set by Geeta and Lady Russell (with advice from his Lordship).
Run 350, 17th & 18th November: Camping Hash weekend at Ile-aux-Coco near Le Morne
Run 351, 2nd December: Gilbert & Etienne.
Also waiting to set Hashes are: Sylvia, Allan ‘Strong-on’
FOOD: 4th November, Perry & Tusa Joseph
Words to global ‘Hash Hymn’ :
Swing low, sweet chariot, coming for to carry me home
Swing low, sweet chariot, coming for to carry me home
I looked over Jordan and what did I see? Coming for to carry me home
A band of hashers coming after me; Coming for to carry me home
*(repeat above until people start leaving)
Directions to next Hash to be held at 10am on 4th November 2001.
From the North: Take ‘motorway’ from Pamplemousses towards Port Louis.
At the roundabout marked left Calbasses, right Arsenal, turn right (that is towards Arsenal for those with hangovers). (This is the next roundabout after the SSR hospital turn off)
Follow this road for 900meters and then look for a sign on the right “Rural Development Program, Arsenal Litchi Project, Financed by Pilon”, enter.
Fron the South: Take the ‘motorway’ North from Port Louis. At the roundabout marked left Arsenal, right Calbasses, turn left. (This is the next roundabout after the one with the Phallic statue in the middle). Follow the road as above.
|Supreme Being:||Tony “Barnacle Bill” Ward – TonyWard@intnet.mu|
|Trailmasters:||Clarence Babet, Charlie & Allan “Strong-on”|
|Cellarmaster:||Tony “Barnacle Bill” Ward|
|Hash Horn:||“Blob” Latimer|
|Religious Adv/Sex Councillor:||Eric “Hotdog” Maard|
|Barbecue Bearer:||Dave “Shorty” Colbert|
|Ice Maiden:||Peter “Long Zip” Attig|
|Ha$h Ca$h:||Tom & Geeta “Tinkerbel”|
|Drinks for Wimps ‘n Kids:||Lord & Lady Russell|
|Hash Haberdashery:||Dave “Shorty” Colbert, fittings by Juliette “Snow White”|
|Gamesmaster:||vacant (Geeta at times)|
|Edit Hare and Webmaster:||Bob Russell assisted by any willing soule who can write|