292 Hash Trash
18-07-1999 Le Vale Marie-claude & Alexandra 292
Volume 11, #292 18 July 1999
SUPREME RAMBLES (not)
By Edit Hare
I imagine that most Hashers driving into the site of this Hash suffered a mild anxiety attack at the sight of those rather high hills. Especially as our Hares were not known really for their kindness in giving us easy Hashes. However, we were wrong and it was not at all bad! In fact, it was really rather pleasant. Thank you Anand and R.A. for giving us such a lovely spot to run around in and also for keeping an eye on The Back Pack who can become lost sometimes – after all, we are there solving the problems of the world not gossiping as those FRB’s would have it.
A few special ‘thank you’s’ are in order here – firstly to Sylvia for all the hard work getting our Rodrigues Hash organised. A vote was taken amongst the assembled Hashers and it was decided that a booking would be made with Anse aux Anglais. Please complete the registration form and return it as soon as possible.
Also a big thank you to Dave Colbert and his ‘helpers’ at Widnell Ongsent Goburdaun who photocopy and distribute the Trash for those Hashers not on Email.
If you are on Email and are not receiving your Trash electronically, would you please send me an Email so I can get your address. email@example.com
Thank you to all the volunteers who make our Hash days a great day out.
See you at the next Hash…
Welcome to only one new Hasher, Vik (an engineer by choice) came with Afzal. See you at next one!
Long time between Hashes but Tim ‘Tiny Tim’ Millikan made it back and was the lucky first guinea pig of the new Down Down with a countdown. Philip ‘Melons’ Vallet (you had to see the T-shirt) also made it back.
Our R.A. was back from Rodrigues and had some stories for us.
The Jumbo Achievers Award
Bali Boy Cabrelli could not be with us so asked Detlev to pass it on – John was the lucky recipient. Let us know when you want us to come and drink you out of house and home.
Kendric presented this to a very reluctant Emily.
F.A. Sylvia caught Jean-Francois and Michel washing their shoes (?!) – deserving of the Fashion Award? (more like a Down Down!)
Smelly Blue T-Shirt
Peter ‘Piss Pot’ Krista, we know you are getting good wear out of the Smelly Blue, but you do have to return it. Don’t forget your personality profile to Edit Hare.
Special Down Down
Anne Renton had been assuring The Back Pack that her shoes were NOT new and was told it would be up to the Pack to decide. Decide they did, much to her relief, that they were not new so her dobber of a husband, Alan ‘Nit’ Renton was called up for a much deserved Fanta Down Down.
Thank you Marie-Claude and Alexandra for the great food. And a big thank you to Marie-Claude and Religious Advisor for thinking of us when you were on Rodrigues and bringing those very yummy coconut cakes back.
#293, 01 August, 1000 hrs – Lord & Lady Russell with Mireille & Etienne Brehain
Directions: Proceed up the road towards Mare aux Vacoas from Vacoas. About 1 km after the La Marie filters, still in direction of Mare aux Vacoas, you will see a concrete reservoir called Beard Reservoir (where the overhead aqueducts end). There will be a Hash sign there (to turn right). On. On.
Hash #294, 15 August – Volunteers??
Hash #293, 01 August – Hans Van Lit has kindly volunteered to feed us.
Rodrigues Hash 22 – 24 October.
Hash #300 will be on 07 November.
I am not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I am not dumb and I also know that I am not blonde.
You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. Erica Jong
I want to have children but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labour for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours. Rita Rudner
My husband and I are either going to buy a
dog or have a child. We can’t decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. Rita Rudner
SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling
SYMPTON: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.
SYMPTON:Beer unusually pale and tasteless
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTON: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself leashed to bar.
SYMPTON: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.
SYMPTON: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.
Latimer (6963815) & Kevin Murray (2835534)
Trailmaster: Lord Russell
Hash Horn: Yves “BoogieWoogie” Robert
Fashion Advisor: Sylvia
Religious Advisor/Sex Councillor: Leslie Nimno
Barbecue Bearer: David ‘Shortie’ Colbert
Ice Maiden: Dagmar Neubacher
Ha$h Ca$h: David ‘Shortie’ Colbert
Drinks for Wimps and Kids: Julie & John
Bangers and Hash: Reverse Alphabet
Hash Market: Bob Tumblety
Web Meister: Alan Oliphant
Edit-Hare: Wendy Austin (6257399)
THINGS EVERY MAN SHOULD KNOW (thank you David Colbert)
Knowledge, according to David McCandless, is power. So feel the puissance of Stuff’s guide to everything you should know. Mysteries are explained. Facts unearthed. Revelations revealed. Never again will a young child ask you a question you can’t answer…). So go ahead, learn something, in this our fourth and almost final, installment –
31. Why do we like chocolate?
It contains phenylothylamine, a chemical released in our bodies during arousal or infatuation. It boasts a few caffeine-like substances too. And it tastes nice.
32. What colours don’t go together?
‘Burgundy and red’, says Jo McGuinness, Stuff’s fashion editor. ‘There are other pairings which come and go, but this is the worst.’ In the olden days wearing blue and green or navy and black together was an offence punishable by death.
33. Which books should I have ready by now?
Catcher in the Rye (J D Salinger); Catch 22 (Joseph Heller); Huckleberry Finn (Mark Twain); The Great Gatsby (F Scott Fitzgerald); Ulysses (James Joyce); The Long Goodbye (Raymond Chandler); Lord of the Rings (J R R Tolkien); The Unbearable Lightness of Being (Milan Kundera); The Rats (James Herbert); American Psycho (Bret Easton Ellis); Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (Hunter S Thompson).
34. How long after losing your finger can it be sewed back on?
A ball park figure is about an hour, longer if it is well kept in ice but it also depends on how it has been severed. If it is crushed you have less time than with a ‘clean cut’. Keeping it dry and cold slows down decomposition.
35. Some people are double jointed, aren’t they?
Complete tosh – there is no such thing. Some people just have more elasticity due to genes, diet and exercise.
36. What’s the quickest way of locating your girlfriend in the supermarket?
Statistically speaking, you should head to the exit and wait. But of course you will just wander the aisles slack-jawed, carrying the Tampax Supers, half baguette and Phillips Lady Shave she asked you to go and get.
37. Why do some people’s heads of beer disappear and other’s stay?
Certain dishwasher detergents can nuke a beer’s head but usually it’s the greasy mouth of someone who has been piling crisps and peanuts into their fat stomachs which dissolves the foam quicker.
38. How thick is a bolt of lightning?
Between 2mm and 10cm.
39. What is the most lethal virus?
Once the symptoms of rabies appear, it is 100% fatal. The disease can fester in your body for up to 90 days. If you don’t get a shot, you’re dead. Ebola, transmitted through blood, saliva and shit it 85% fatal.
40. What’s the minimum I can eat and still survive?
Bread, cheese, cabbage and water. Bread has carbohydrate, cheese has proteins and fats, cabbage has roughage and they all give you vitamins, minerals and farts. Not quite as good for you but more fun, the other survival diet – one glass orange juice, two glasses of milk, and 47 pints of Guinness. A day.